Sunday, September 09, 2007
Sunday Fun
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* Prisoner *
The bride tells her husband,… "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first ?"
"OK, Sweetheart, putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'.
So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time. Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles,… "Honey, the prisoner seems to have escaped".
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him"…
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes.
But the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again !"…
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal. Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again"…
Limply turning his head, He yells at her, "Hey, it's not life imprisonment !"
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* Business *
A man goes into a shop and starts looking around. He sees a washer & dryer but there is no price listed on them.
He asks a salesman who says, "Five pounds for both of them".
"Yeah right, you've got to be joking !" the man says.
"No, that's the price", the salesman says, "Do you want to buy them or not ?"
"Yeah, I'll take them", the man says. He continues to look around and sees a car stereo system with a detachable face cassette player, a CD changer, amplifier, speakers.
"How much ?" he asks.
"Five pounds for the system, including installation" the salesman says.
"Is it stolen ?" the man asks incredulously.
"No", says the salesman, "It's brand new, do you want it or not ?"
"Certainly", the man says. He looks around some more.
As the salesman is ringing up the purchases, the man asks him, "Why are your prices so cheap ?"
The salesman says, "Well, the owner of the shop is at my house right now with my wife, and what he's doing to her,... I'm doing to his business !"….
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* The sponge *
One day a little boy walked in on his mother in the shower. The boy pointed to his mother's pussy and said "What’s that mommy ?".
The mother not wanting to explain the facts of life to the boy said "that’s my sponge" the boy satisfied with the answer went out.
A few days later the boy again walked in on his mother in the shower. The night before the mother had shaved completely.
The boy noticing the difference asked the mother "where is your sponge ?".
The mother said she lost it and the boy satisfied went outside again…
All of a sudden the boy ran back in. "Mommy, mommy I found your sponge ! I was looking in Mrs.Jones back window and I saw Mrs Jones washing daddy's face with it !"
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* Greatest breasts *
A guy goes over to his friends house, rings the bell, the wife answers.
"Hi is Tony home ?"
"No he went to the store".
"Well, you mind if I wait ?" "No come in".
They sit down and the friend says "You know Nora, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one".
Nora thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one.
He promptly thanks her and throws a 100 bucks on the table.
They sit there a while longer and Chris says "They are so beautiful I got to see the both of them. I'll give you another 100 bucks if I could just see the both of them together".
Nora thinks about this and says what the hell opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her and throws another 100 bucks on the table then says he can't wait any longer for Tony and leaves.
A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says "You know your weird friend Chris came over".
Tony thinks about this for a second and says "Well, did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me ?"
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* A good nights sleep *
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You;ve got to have a room somewhere", he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where".
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - an Air Force guy", admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost.
But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you".
"No problem," the tired Marine assured him. "I'll take it".
The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep ?" asked the manager.
"Never better". The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then ?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time", said the Marine.
"How'd you manage that ?" asked the manager.
"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room", the Marine explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful', and he sat up all night watching me".
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* The Rabbit and the Bull *
A rabbit is crossing a railway track and he gets hit by a train.
A bull sees that, starts laughing and says: "HAHAH, you have such big ears and you didn't hear the train".
The rabbit, picking himself up from the floor, says: "Yeah, yeah, you have such big balls and a veterinarian has to fuck your cow !"
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* Bad Doctor *
A beautfiul woman walks into a doctors office and the doctor is awestruck. All his professionalism goes out the window.
He tells her to take off her pants and he starts rubbing her thighs.
He says "Do you know what I am doing ?"
She replies "Yes, checking for abnormalities".
He tells her to take off her shrit and bra and he starts rubbing her breats. He says "Do you know what I am doing now ?"
She replies "Yes, checking for lumps and cancer".
Finally, he tells he takes off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her, and starts having sex with her. He says "Do you know what I am doing now ?"
She replies "Yes, getting herpies. That's why I am here"…
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